[Following her surprise announcement to again run for leader of the now minority House Democrats, Speaker Nancy Pelosi agreed to sit down with me to discuss the results of the recent elections.]
“Madam Speaker, thank you for talking to me today,”
“No problem. I’ve got a lot more time on my hands these days. About all I have to do is clean out my office, but I’ve got people for that.”
“Right. So, the Democrats took quite a ‘shellacking’ in the election, as the president put it.”
“Well, I have to agree it didn’t turn out as well as we had hoped. But there were many positive things.”
“Such as?”
“Well, about half of those Blue Dog Democrats were defeated.”
“I’m not sure I understand, Madam Speaker. Why is that a good thing?”
“Those guys were a major pain in the ass. They kept blocking legislation and insisting on something called ‘fiscal discipline.’ I did everything I could to keep money out of their campaigns. You’d think they never read the Constitution.”
“The Constitution?”
“Sure, the Constitution gives Congress the power to spend money it doesn’t have.”
“Doesn’t that lead to ever increasing deficits and create more debt for the country?”
“Absolutely.”
“I’m confused. Why is that a good thing?”
“If we pass legislation, regardless of whether the American people want it or not, we get reelected to do it again and again. It’s not important what the legislation is, it’s only important that we pass things. Do you have any idea how many post offices we named over the past two years? Say what you will, we were very effective legislators.”
“But didn’t the Republicans, for the most part, vote against the Health Care bill and weren’t many Democrats defeated simply because they voted for the bill along with the Stimulus bill, Wall Street bailouts, and takeovers of the American automotive industry? In fact, as many races tightened up, many Democrats tried to downplay their votes and some even said they would withdraw support for you as Speaker.”
“Besides being an effective legislator, I raised more money for Democrats than any other member of the House. I simply withheld money from my enemies and provided more money to candidates who share my progressive ideology.”
“And that ‘ideology’ is what?”
“The underpinning of the American electoral process is money. Sure we lost more seats in a mid-term election in over 70 years. That’s not what’s important. What is important is that we raised about the same amount of money as the Republicans. That’s the real purpose of politics, to raise money.”
“I thought you said being an effective legislator was the most important characteristic of an elected official and passing more legislation would lead to reelection? Again, I’m sort of lost here.”
“Look, members of the House and Senate spend most of their time raising money. That’s why we never read most of the legislation we pass. We simply don’t have the time. I mean, you can’t exactly carry a 2,700 page Health Care bill around with you and read it while you’re sitting on the dais at a fund raiser. People would think you’re rude. Besides, it’s pretty damned heavy.”
“Ok. If I understand what you’re saying, you’re running for House minority leader because you’re a great fund raiser?”
“Exactly.”
“Don’t you feel any personal responsibility for the historic losses suffered by your party in the elections? Aren’t you concerned that you are an incredibly polarizing figure in American politics and exit polls indicate many voters cast their ballots AGAINST you personally rather than FOR the Republican agenda? Aren’t you worried the Republicans will use the same tactics in 2012, possibly leading to further defeats of your House and Senate members and, possibly, the defeat of your own party’s president?”
“Robert Gibbs learned to never acknowledge such possibilities, even in the face of overwhelming information to the contrary. So, I don’t discuss such things. What I can tell you is, I’m a helluva fund raiser and things will go a lot more smoothly in our caucus for the next two years without those troublesome Blue Dogs trying to pay for everything.”
“What’s next for you?”
“Well, I’ve got to replace the drapes in the Minority Leader’s office. I think Boehner was smoking in there and I hear the place reeks. Of course, I’ve never been in his office, but I hear things.”
“Thank you for your time, Madam Speaker.”
“You’re welcome.”
